School: Beeslack Community High School, Midlothian
The thoughts are there, but the help is not. I try to understand, but the thoughts leave me. They say the world has changed, but society gives it many names. I try to hide, but it follows me. It hides behind non-confusing like why things don’t work and why people don’t understand me. They say it doesn’t matter, ‘It’s just a word’, but not to me. The word has more than one meaning, it is the way I see the world.
When things are different it doesn’t make sense when they are not as I imagined. The way I see the world is clear to some, but not to others. When I look out of the window, where others would see a tree, I see a tree with a life. Almost increased empathy. What do you do when you don’t know? You ask for help. I can’t ask for help. I can’t speak. I want to, but nothing happens. When my life feels difficult, there is no one I can tell. People want to listen, and they do, but it only makes sense to me.
When it eventually comes to telling people, what do you say? You have a mental condition or what? If you hear you have a problem, well not even really a problem, embrace it. Don’t let people get you down and certainly don’t listen to what people say. It doesn’t matter because in the end, who wants to be like them anyway?
This is me writing about what I think just four days after being diagnosed with Autism. The days will go on, of course, but they will never be quite the same again.