Joe Donaghue

School: St Luke’s High School, Glasgow

The Language of The Worm


Monday 13th September. 

Our new teacher invaded today. For the first half hour Miss Wormery was kind. We talked. She shusshed. We laughed. She made us stand for the rest of the day and write out 25 pages of the Bible. It said: “And I saw a white horse: and he that sat on him had a bow, and a crown was given unto him: and he went forth conquering and to conquer.” They should ask the kids for revelations.

Monday 20th September.

Today our furniture was gone. Except the teacher’s desk. She made us sit in long single lines and work on the person in front’s back. It tickled. We giggled and got detention. That’s it, ever since the Wormery came our school is a disaster. She has to go.

Monday 27th September. 

It’s a simple but deadly plan. Everybody knows their part. Tomorrow we release the wasps. 

The Language of The Worm.

Project Hive has failed.

We hid a wasps’ nest in her car. She put the hive in a bin sack with a brush. This battle has begun.

Wednesday 29th September - Miss Wormery’s Journal. 

After school a weird thing happened: the evil children put a wasp-nest under my car seat. Luckily I spotted it before I got in the car. It was no big problem but I think they hate authority.

They are in for a treat tomorrow. Get ready, Paradise Primary.


Thursday 30th September.

We had art today and had to stand on one leg. We had a paint-fight and spilled red acrylic on the floor. We spent the rest of the afternoon cleaning every floor and window. Our hands are prunes and we all have sore legs.

Friday 1st October.

I knew it wasn’t right but we had to get her back. We painted the outside of her class windows black.


Monday 4th October - Miss Wormery’s Journal.


These vile kids! They painted our windows black. I got such a fright. I saw Danny dropping litter and found spiders in my lunch. He’s for a week’s detention.


Wednesday 14th October - Miss Wormery’s Journal.

These kids are monsters. They glued garbage to my car. I’m sending letters home.


Wednesday 14th October.

Project Pollution failed.

We thought it was impossible. We made her angrier. She declares parent letters are in the post.

Thursday 22 October.

The letters landed. My whole class is grounded. But I have a new amazing plan that must work.

“Reverse!” I shouted. Everybody turned around in their seats. We ignored her. Miss Wormery went ballistic. She screams, she shouts, she hops like a kangaroo. Then it got better. Miss Wormery spun and, not daring to look, I gave the signal. Everybody pours fake blood down their ears. Miss Wormery turns to see us bleed. She stands on her desk and howls and shuts her eyes while Jamie Duncan is behind her recording the whole battle. The teachers leave their classes to peer in our door not daring to set foot inside for they’re scared too of the screeching siren-breath of the Wormtongue.

Friday 23rd October.

After yesterday’s fiasco the Head-teacher monitors our classroom. We’re practising for our Halloween assembly. But guess what the topic is on – BARBIES and the stupid PONIES. And I have to dance with Miss Pretty who never gets dirty. But I’m worried about The Worm. She’s worse than ever. Her eyes are turning red and her once-brown hair is almost white.

We think she’s turning into a witch.

Monday 27th October - Miss Wormery’s Journal.

These kids dig up my worst self. They push me to the edge. My hair was beautiful now no trace of life remains. My eyes twitch all the time. I must double my medicines.

They need to learn who has the real power in MY classroom. This ludicrous Assembly will show every parent how hard I work! It is time to truly embarrass Deadly Dan in public. Nobody can know how hard it is for me to act like a normal human being. They must never know how I got thrown out of my old school. I’ll make them dance until they beg.

Monday 27th October.

It was Dance rehearsals and I had to hold Miss Pretty’s hand (that’s what SHE calls herself). It was terrible! I owe The Worm a debt. We studied urban wildlife and learned the Worm hates mice. Everybody put in 20p.

Wednesday 29th October.

I woke up to the BloodMoon. Wow. I knew then something terrible was coming.

We spent our savings on a rat and stuck it in her desk. She dangled it by the tail until Lizzie Baron fainted.

Friday - Halloween.

We went in two by two to our Assembly. I had to wear the ridiculous Rainbow Dash mane. I saw her laugh and wink at me.

The Assembly was slow torture. I took my chance and swapped the discs. As The Worm pressed the button for the music the projector flashed on a video of her lifting up reversed children by their hair. The worm’s face crumbled like mud. Her eyes rolled. Everybody saw children with blood streaming from their ears. The chant began. “Out, Out, Out”, the audience demanded. Parents ran collecting children and I speeded out the building. A curious burning smell wafted off Miss Wormery as I ran smiling past her. In the car on the way home we passed the ambulance skidding to school.


VICTORY for Project Reverse at last!


Saturday 32 October - Miss Wormery’s graffiti.

Sadly I’m now in the mad house where all the crackpots live. Maybe teaching those kids wasn’t so bad after all.

I miss him.

Monday November 3rd.

Today school was dull. I feel empty. As if I almost miss her.



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